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Seduction dos and don’ts

By Carmen Electra

Everyone screws up from time to time on a date. You get nervous, you say or do the wrong thing, and Mr. Right turns into Mr. Not Tonight. It happens. Chances are if one little thing sends him packing, he wasn’t the man of your dreams anyhow. But that said, there are certain things you should remember as seduction no-nos:

No bragging, boasting, and complaining!
If you spend the entire evening talking about how fabulous you are — and you never let him get a word in edgewise — you can bet you’ll find yourself surfing the Internet on Saturday nights. Confident is great, but cocky and conceited are just not attractive. I have always found that people who toot their own horns too loudly are really insecure. It’s all a cover-up for how inferior they feel to the rest of us. Would you want to be in a relationship with someone who harbors such incredible insecurity? I rest my case.

Guys love it when you ask a lot of questions—about them, mostly. They like to feel like they are the center of the universe, so try turning the conversation back in his direction now and then. Toss in an occasional, “What do you think?” and he’ll be purring like a kitten. This will also give you a chance to practice your sexiest, most flirtatious “I want you now” look—or to finish your meal! Another major mistake: Complain, complain, complain. Is your life really that bad? Is the universe really aligned against you? I doubt it. No guy wants to be on the receiving end of such negativity. He’s probably thinking, “God, if she’s this critical of a burger what is she going to say about me?” So grin and bear it, baby. Chances are you’re just trying to think of something to say, but it’s just as easy to say something positive as to be hyper-critical. If you’ve got to complain, save the venting for your girlfriends.

Don’t discuss your ex-files
Wanna scare him away? Here’s the quickest way: Spend the entire evening discussing your messy breakup with your ex in all its gory detail. Sure, he says he wants to know about him—he’s worried how he’ll compare. But if you talk, talk, talk about your recent (or not so recent) relationship, he’s going to think you’re either (a) still into your ex, (b) rebounding, or (c) such an emotional wreck, you’re in no condition to date. A few words of explanation is sufficient: “Yeah, we were together three years. It’s over.” If he persists, tell him you’re focusing on the future (with him) rather than dwelling on the past. And for God’s sake, DON’T show him any pictures of the two of you together!

Scope at your own risk
Okay, it’s hard not to stare when a drop-dead-gorgeous hunk strolls by, even when you’re on a date. It’s like a Pavlovian response; sometimes you just can’t keep your eyes from wandering and checking people out. Hey, we’re only human. But take it from me, there is no greater turn-off than sitting there across the table from someone who is eyeballing every cutie who struts by. I had a funny situation when Dave Navarro and I were first dating. We would always go to Sushi Roku. We ate there all the time, almost every day! We had a great time (and great food), but I started to notice that he was constantly looking around the room. I finally got so annoyed, I asked. “What’s up? You’re always checking out other girls. I understand if a pretty girl goes by… but this is rude!” He apologized and explained himself: “I’m almost blind—I think I know someone, but only see shapes and colors. Unless they are standing two feet in front of me, I can’t be sure. So I’m just trying to see people, that’s all.” He had Lasik eye surgery shortly after, so of course I forgave him. But unless you’re legally blind, I wouldn’t advise scoping out a room in the presence of your date. He’ll think you’re already looking for a replacement (well, now what’s your excuse, Dave?).

Table the high tech
Silence that cell phone and switch off the Sidekick. You might feel important fielding calls and text messages from your friends all night and think it makes you look popular and desirable, but he’ll feel neglected and lose interest faster than you can say ring tone.

Squash the squirming
I am a fidgeter. My foot or my fingertips are always tapping, and if I’m standing, I tend to shift or shimmy a little. I’d like to say it’s because I’m a dancer and I like to move (I hope that’s what my date thinks), or that I have a lot of energy, but most likely, it’s because I’m a little nervous and shy sometimes. While this can be sweet and charming, you should try and keep the fidgeting under control. A person who is a chronic squirmer can be distracting on a date. I always imagine that someone who can’t stand still for two seconds is going to bolt on your relationship with little provocation. Not aware if you’re over-squirming? Ask a close pal to observe you once or twice in a social setting. He or she will tell you what moves you need to minimize.

Don’t turn into Needy Nellie
What is the one thing any guy will tell you is an instant turnoff? A girl who is pathetically possessive, needy, and naggin’. Guys hate to feel the walls closing on them. Most of them are not looking to date their mothers (well, not consciously anyway)—they don’t want to answer to you or keep a curfew or explain why or when or what they’re doing. If you’re suddenly glued at the hip, he’ll freak and run. Men need time outside of the relationship, so sweetie, give him some space. Didn’t you ever hear that absence makes the heart grow fonder? I know when you’re really hooked on someone, it’s tempting to stalk him, to call frequently, text obsessively, or show up on his doorstep 24/7—but back off and he’ll come begging for more. So, go have a fun night out on your own while he’s out with his boys. He’ll see you don’t really need him and he’ll think, “Gee, this babe is a find! I can date her and still watch football every Sunday with the guys.” Let him do it (at least for now). He’ll appreciate your independence and his.

Copyright © 2007 by Electra Blue Productions, Inc. From the book How To Be Sexy by Carmen Electra, published by Broadway Books, a division of Random House, Inc. Reprinted with permission.